| Thank goodness no that much people go on here any more.
So I can pour my heart out.
Yeh, sadly I still do think about him.
Ok let it all out, Since people hardly read this junk.
And I just need to let it out.
We went out, but it all started out with a bet? I think. Shit I forget.
The first time he asked me out, I was with Rae, and Aiko. While Aiko was getting her hair did.
I told all of them just 2 weeks, just 2 weeks.
I Told him ask me out in person, rather than the phone.
I hate the phone, you could do better in person.
Time went by, we hung out more. The more time went by, I thought. Why the hell did I decline.
I was getting to know him better, and in the back of my mind I would have never thought I would get to like him.
We went out, it was pretty great. He treated me way better than anyone I have ever known.
By that time I hated guys, I hated love, blah blah.
The 2 weeks I told my self past by. Yeah, I thought it wouldn't.
Before I knew it, I liked him.
I couldn't tell my friends that, but I did.
Then I started liking him a lot.
All I can say is that it ended, really bitter.
I would want to answer his calls, he didn't answer mine.
So yeah it would be when I wanted to break up with him he didn't answer, vice versa.
Then he finally talked to me, dumped me. Done. I remember the first time I got dumped.
I was sitting on my cmputer, talking to Cory.
Time past, I didn't really care. Then we became friends once again. Thank God.
I had a boyfriend by the time, but I still thought about him. I broke up with him.
What if we actually took the time to make it work? All these what if's ran threw my head.
He treated me to things, and I liked it. But it was only as a friend.
He asked me back out after my birthday since he took me out for dinner. I declined.
Big mistake. After that I guess he just gave up on me.
We hardly talked. It sucked.
I really enjoyed talking to him, being with him..
But me as my sad self, thought what would other people think of me.
Not to my happiness, I just cared for what others think of me, then how I felt.
He was the second guy that I ever cared for.
He accepted who I was, took in the fact that I talked to a lot of guys, had a lot of guy friends, smoked, drinked, partyed hard, cut school, was bad to my parents.
He was uncomfortable but he still accepted all my flaws.
I really appreciated that.
He was a wreck. He wouldn't have a job sometimes, no car, burned wayy too much, smoked wayy too much, he would wear underwear everything showed. And I mean everything.
It was embarrassing, but no one is perfect.
We can't just look for the most perfect person, it just isn't reality.
I try to be perfect, but I'll always have my flaws.
I cared about how he looked when we were out in public.
But when I'm alone with him, I just don't give a fuck.
I can think of all the bad things that he has ever done, all the gross, everything I hate about him. But all of that can't compare to the way I felt when I was with him, and how he made me feel. I felt special.
What was the most thing that suprised me about him was that, he knew people called me a slut. I don't really care.
But he actually didn't give into to that, he never did.
I respected him so much for that.
But God, whenever I look at couples. And shit All my friends have boyfriends so that sucks.
But I just look at them, and think. I could've been like that.
I just ask too much in a relationship, I want some one perfect.
But we just can't do that.
But you can try your best to fix them up.
Okay, I've let it all out.
Hopefully, I'll stop thinking about him.
.. and hopefully he calls me back.
--Erika Michi |
